Truths & Facts: Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Last week I touched on the Domestic Violence in relationships.  I pointed that while I am not going through it personally,  I know people who are still going through it, or they got out of it.  Those that got out still have those scars to this day. 

It's nothing wrong with admitting you are not in a healthy relationship.  It's ok to say that your relationship has run his course.  You have to build up enough strength to say look this isn't for me.

Like my cousin says Google is an amazing tool.  We should all utilize it at some point in our lives.  I looked up the signs of being in a toxic relationship. The descriptions may fit some of you.

Passive Agressive

 “I hate it when you do that, but I’m just gonna keep it to myself."

Well if you are keeping it to yourself, why are you telling me about it?  If you are going to keep it to yourself why am I getting the shady glances?

Don't ever sacrifice you being you because someone doesn't like it.  That's their problem not yours.  Those are not flaws, that's what makes you you.

Jealousy

Jealousy is apart of being human so it will happen on some level.  Excessive jealousy is never okay. If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you literally have nothing worth holding on to. At that point, it's time to chuck up deuces... See ya!!!!

Criticism

No one is perfect, and no one should claim to be.  The closer you become with someone, the more his or her imperfections will show.  There is nothing wrong with criticism that comes from a positive place.  When you use criticism is used to make a person feel like they are worthless and you don't value them it's hard to get a relationship back on track.  It makes the person self conscious and they begin resent even being in this relationship.

Arguing Without Communicating

We all know that yelling over each other won’t get you anywhere. No one hears what the other is saying.  It’s natural to get upset and argue, but if there’s no exchange of communication and neither person gets to express how he/she feels, the issue is never resolved.  So you are back at the beginning all over again.

Here is a suggestion:  Go to the store, pick up to journals. One for you and one for your partner.  Both of you write down what you are both feeling and exchange the journals with each other.  Sometimes people cant understand what you are trying to say but they understand it once it's being read.  Once you guys are done reading your feelings and points, talk openly and calmly.  If it starts another argument take a step back, leave the room, come back when your both calm and try it again.

Negative Energy

Where forced to deal with things on a daily basis.  Whether you are at your job or just day to day struggles.  When you come home that should be your place of peace and quiet.  Coming home to constant nagging, or just plain ol negativity is not what you signed up for.  Negativity can drain you mentally, physically, and emotionally.  When you come home to the same thing you just left at work what's the point of going home?  Something has to be adjusted.  

Avoiding Your Partner

If your relationship gets to the point where you would rather stab yourself in the eye then go home. If your ducking your partner's phone calls as if they are bill collectors.  If you just don't want to be bothered because you don't feel like the arguing, it's time to eliminate the problem.  This isn't healthy at all for you or your partner.  Your well being is more important than trying to keep something together that isn't meant to be.

You’re Not Yourself

Change happens regardless of your situation.  Change should be expected.  If your suppressing who you really are to satisfy another that's a problem.  The same person that your partner met and fell in love with should still be there.  Coming into a relationship and the person dictates to you who you can and cannot communicate with is a sign of low self esteem on that persons part.  They are scared that the next person you meet may see the same things they saw and you and love you just the same.  To your partner it means they can't hold on to you and they are afraid you will find someone who treats you like you deserve.

If you relationship changes you and not for the better that's a strong sign that it's time to move on. Remember change is great but it should be a change that helps you both move forward.

What's The Point?

There is going to be come a time in your relationship when you are over the fighting, being disrespected, and just being unhappy.  There will be a point when you think to yourself why am I here? Whats he point? If you feel like your relationship isn’t going anywhere, why waste the time? Why fight for something that's not worth fighting for? That’s time you’ll look back on with regret, but that you’ll never be able to relive.  You want happy memories.  You don't want to look back at that person and say I regret the day I ever met you.

Your Making Him/Her Happy

You see it so much in relationships, the other person is always doing things to make the other happy.  If I do this, he/she won't be mad.  I want to do this for him/her.  I want to make sure that he/she has this.  At what point do you realize no matter what you do they will never be happy.  I think in relationships people become so self absorbed that they forget that it's not about just them.  They forget that a couple should function as a unit.  If you are doing everything to make the other person happy, what do you do for yourself to make you happy?

Alienating You From Family/Friends

To be honest I think this is the first sign of being in a toxic relationship.  I know speaking for myself I am very close to my family.  We have an extremely tight bond. Anyone who comes into a relationship will already know that my family is always first.  If you are in a relationship and the person finds ways to keep you from your family, or they make negative comments about those you love.  If they say things like, "I wish you were more attentive to me like you are your mother." That's a problem.  If that person questions your love for your family, that's a problem.  That's a problem that has to be addressed.  There should never be a time where you have to choose.  If it comes to the point where your partner can't attend family functions, or just not wanting you to speak with family and friends just because, it's time to leave.  It's not worth it.  Remember your family will always be there if after that toxic relationship is over.

Lastly guys stop looking for someone to complete you.  If you come into a relationship and you didn't deal with what you had before every relationship you enter will be toxic.  Your carrying your old baggage into your new.  Please don't jump into anything without watching the signs to your partner.  Take the time to get to know who you are dealing with.  That way your not surprised when something comes up.  You have to come into your new relationships already aware of who you are and what you want.  

"Let the world see you smile."