Truths & Facts....Domestic Violence.

When I started my blog for the new year I stated that I wanted to touch on more than just makeup, beauty, and fashion.  I wanted to touch on things that makes us beautiful as women in general.  The topics may not be what people would expect especially in a beauty blog, but we have so much more to offer, these things makes us who we are.

As I start this blog I wondered how I should address the issue.  Give facts about how domestic violence affects your children and yourself in the long run.  Give you numbers of how many women and children are being abused every second, minute or hour. I can't do that.  Me being me, being honest and real is the best thing for this topic.  People see stats all day long and it doesn't phase them.  So being real had to open some eyes and hearts.

This topic has presented itself to me on multiple occasions.  It's just not what we see on TV but in real life.  There is someone out there who is being hurt on daily basis. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

I remember growing up and hearing stories about women in my family who were abused my their spouses when they were younger.  I know back then they believed there was no out.  That they had to take it because it's what they deserved for making him angry.  That the family had to stay together no matter what.  I know that the options we have now they didn't have.  There were no abuse shelters to protect you.  Police officers were not removing the abuser from the home.  All of the help and options that women have now, they just were not available then.  

I asked myself what would make a person want to stay and go through this pain?  How many times can the man who says he loves you show his love with his fist?  How long will your children be subjected to this terror?

As I am typing this, I wonder is this a topic I should address or do I just let be.  Like I've stated before,  this issue has been presented in so many different ways to me through out the years.  I could only shake my head and pray for those that are being hurt.  While I have never been hit before, or made to feel like I deserve any kind of abuse, this matter still concerns me.  The strange part about it is some people assume that this is normal.  I remember being at work and talking to one of my co-workers about being in an abusive relationship.  I can still hear his voice to this day asking me, "With your smart mouth, nobody ever put they hands on you?".  My response was HELL NO!!!! I am child of two police officers, who would try it? And I was always taught to fight to get away and go for help.  What bothered me about the conversation, he made it seem like that shit was normal, I'm suppose to be "disciplined" for having a opinion.

FACTS AND TRUTHS 

-The point of the matter is as women what put up with so much.  Why do we as women substitute out happiness, self respect and well being for someone to warm the right side of our bed?  To say "I got a man".  Mean while your doing all of this claiming and this dude won't claim you at all.

-Knkwing the talk tell signs if you are with someone who could possible put you and your family's life in danger is so important. If they alienate you from your family and friends.  If you have to check in every five minutes. If that dude shows up at your job.  If he as any aggression to his own family.  Probably means you should stay clear of him

-Why is it as women we wait for men, who won't in turn wait for us? Your man been "at camp" for 8 years and comes home and think he ruled the house.  He is truly not the same boy he was when he went in.  This is a totally different person from when he first left.  You allow him in your house, your bed, your children lives. You take care of his grown ass like he is one of the kids.  Cooking, cleaning, giving him sex when he wants it.  Ladies when that dude comes home, he needs to be tested first of all, but his focus should be not booty but how is he going to take care of the children he created.

-When the "man" that you love gets you and a few other women pregnant at the same damn time.  Why stay?  What is it about this man makes you want to say well I mean it is what it is? You are worth so much more.  I get it, mistakes happen, but a mistake is once, twice, the third time he knew what the hell he was doing.  Chuck up the deuces.

-The moment you give birth to your child and he repays you by kicking you in the very spot you carried that baby in and putting you in the hospital. He doesn't love you.  He never did.  He loves what he can get out of you.  The fear he puts into your heart and soul is what he loves. Don't give him that power. 

-The punishment your children endure while watching is just as worse as you being hit.  You are the parent and you are to protect your children, not the other way around.  What is the message that you send to your daughters? Is it ok for someone to beat on them just because they are in love?  What about the sons you have to raise? Is this the message that we send?  It's ok to do it.

-Ask yourself what happened in this guys life that makes him think the way he proves he is a man is by putting his hands on you?  What is it about himself that makes him want to take you to your lowest, and make you feel like you don't deserve better? 

-Truth of the matter is this, the person who raised this so called "man" never stepped in and taught him the do's and dont's of man hood.  It's not your job to raise him. What K. Michelle say "You can't raise a man." She is right.  Dude needs to find out how to be a man on his own.. 

I will say this, if anyone who reads this is offended, and feels like this message applies to you.  Know this, my word will hurt right now, but the sting of my word hurts less than a fist or a kick.  I will not apologize for being honest on my true feelings.  My advice, get out now.  Don't subject yourself and your children to this torture.  You love him,  but does he really love you?  Better yet, all that love will leave you dead, and your children orphans.  We have seen this on the ID Channel.  The families to those who have been killed behind all of this, they are left explaining to the young ones what happened. I don't want to ever have that talk, or be in the room when that talk is happening. Remember even when you don't think they are looking, children are paying attention.  They may not know the right questions to ask, but they hear all and see all.

Again, if you get offended easily or you feel as if I am talking about you.  You may feel the need to respond.  Go head and do so, but remember this, I will never apologize for being honest. Sorry but not sorry.

I know that there are some men who will come across this and they are either being abused or they are the abuser.  If you are being abused, just the same as if it was a female I extend my open arms to you.  While I will never experience your hurt I understand it.  If you are the abuser.  LEAVE.  MAN UP... UNDERSTAND HE/SHE WILL BE FINE WITHOUT YOU.  GO GET YHE HELP YOU NEED TO REPAIR WHATS BROKEN INSIDE OF YOU.

Lastly,  stop looking for someone to make complete or validate your presence.  You have to complete you.  If you step into a relationship half of yourself then your not ready for a relationship.  Learn to love you first, everything else will fall into place.

Wait... Before I go.  Yes this is suppose to be me giving it to you honestly.  I can't leave without saying this... For those of you who get mad at your significant other  over some bullshit.  What ever that bullshit maybe, and your best way to get them back is to call the police and say he/she got you, or choked you until you passed out, or what ever that lie would be.  Remember that once it's out there you can never take that back.  You leave a bulleye on your partners back for life.  All because you couldn't get your way. You cost them jobs, or promotions, even their freedom off of some bullshit.  Not only that, once that investigation is done and it comes out that you are the biggest liar known to man. What did you accomplish? Also before that lie comes out of your mouth and you decide to walk into a police station and file that charge, think about those who are actually being beat, or raped and can't tell anyone.  Think about those who are too afraid to tell their story.  Think about the feeling of them finally building up enough nerve and courage to finally say HELP ME.  They walk in and get the side eye from whom ever is taking their statements.  You know why?  Simple bitches like yourself walked in and lied about what actually happened.  They are made a victim all over again because of simple bitches like yourself couldn't get your way. When you make a false claim like that you discredit every victim that walks through that door, and it makes them fearful and they keep it a secret. 

Again if you are reading this and that last paragraph made you angry, your offended, you think I am speaking of you.  Sorry, but not sorry.  I will never apologize for being honest.

"Let the world see you smile."